Tuesday, June 25, 2013

Trying to Keep Calm and Carry On

I am desperately trying to make this my mantra from now on.  I can't take the negativity, bad things happening, or plain ol' shit any longer.  I see my stress rubbing off on Jake and I can't let that happen.  No one wants to be around me and I can't blame them. I know since losing my job I have become very negative.  How could anyone stay positive when you lose a job, fail to get unemployment, have to depend on family to make it, then eventually lose the home you wanted to be yours so badly eight months later.  I've been so negative I can't stand to be around myself, so I apologize to friends and family who've had to deal with me.

The past couple of days have shown me that I need to think before I react.  Yes, I need a job, but upon accepting a part-time job I didn't take into consideration what they were paying, the hours, and what expenses I would have just to go to work every day.  I should have thought it out, but it wasn't until orientation that I knew how few hours I'd be getting.  While some may say it's better than nothing or it may lead to something else, it's right now that I have to deal with.  It's not better than nothing when I'm in the negative financially before I even get a paycheck.  Yes, it probably could have led to something good or even great, but I can't wait for that.  I know now that I must have a full time job, what I need to make hourly, and I have to go in knowing that I'm worth it.

With all this information, despite everything that has happened and may continue to happen, I decided to simply be happy again.  Who cares how many do-overs you have as long as you keep trying.    

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