A Month to the Day

Wow, it was August 6 when I last blogged, and here it is Labor Day, September 6. I am having blogger's block these days because so much is happening and so much is changing. I just hope I can handle it all. It's very scary. I didn't expect to be raising my son alone, doing everything on my own, and it's overwhelming if I think about it. So I'm trying not to think and just do.

I'm trying not to be angry, but that's the toughest! My friends say it's time to be angry. Maybe so.

It's hard to get over the hurt and sadness that someone can inflict, but you have to, don't you? Especially if you have a child involved in it all. And I'm just trying to do what's best for him, my top priority.

What I don't understand and what hurts the most is how someone can move on so quickly after 16 years. I'm thinking take this time and find myself again, get back that "self" I lost in the relationship and spend some time on my own. I assume that my ex would do the same. And yes, there may have been a little part of me that wondered if we just might patch things up. Nope! New woman already sleeping in what was my bedroom, visiting the people I love and taking my place. So I ask myself: Can the ex really have found someone so quickly or were they seeing this person for quite some time even while we were in counseling in hopes to repair our relationship? I choose B, but I guess I'll never know for sure.

And where does our boy stand? How do I explain to him what's going on if this family he's known since birth disappears from his life? I know divorce happens to everyone, break-ups happen, and family dissolve. But it's happening right now, it's fresh and painful, and I have to find a way to explain all of this to Jake. As I look at him sleeping beside me, I worry about him and yet I try to tell myself he'll be just fine. Dear God, I hope so. It's up to me now.

Progress...At least Mommie thinks so...

Back before school was out this past May, this is the way Jake would draw people. We all had rectangles for bodies and lots of fingers and circular feet attached to stick legs. I love them! This is a drawing of his classmate, Corianne.


Over the past three months, he has really come a long way in how he draws people now. I would love it if he enjoyed art as much as I do (or did it seems these days), so I definitely encourage him to draw and paint. Tonight, he was in the mood to draw so he picked up his Jessie and Woody figures from Toy Story 3, similar looking to the one in the pictures below. I told him just to look at them and draw what he saw.




Here's Woody! I think in three short months he has really come a long way! Look at Woody's spurs! And he has a bandanna around his neck! And a holster!

And here's Jessie! She has cow hide print chaps and yellow cuffs on her sleeves! Her hair is red and her eyes are green! Okay, her feet aren't quite right yet, but hey, I see progress!

School starts in a week or so and I can't believe it's FIRST GRADE for Jake already. I still want him to be my baby. I want to hold him and smooch on his chubby cheeks and blow raspberries on his belly! I want him this size again:


Yet, today at our doctor's visit, he measured 4 feet 1-1/2 inches tall and 47 pounds. He's a bit thin, but before you know it, he'll be taller than me!


Here he is at Fine Arts Day Camp Family Day with his friend, Evangeline. Where'd my baby go?

Has it really been two months?

I honestly can't believe my blog has sat idle for so long. Of course, there has been an incredible amount of "stuff" going on, some fun and some not so fun. Things are settling down a bit, and I hope they continue to do so.

How about some kindergarten graduation photos!? Jake graduated from kindergarten Thursday, May 27! I am so proud of my sweet boy, and he had a great report card, too! We did forget to return a library book that happened to get mixed up with our own books in our move, but I found it and we'll take it to the school on Tuesday. Oops!

This was taken before we left for graduation. Handsome!

Waiting to hear his name and receive his diploma. (See video at the end.)

Oh boy, does Jake adore this little girl, Sarah! They certainly do make a cute couple!

Here's Jake and Bethany. This little girl has the sweetest smile!

Mrs. Sullivan, Jake's teacher. She's super nice!

Mrs. Browning, Jake's teacher, also. Super sweet lady!

Jake and Andrew. They were also buddies in the after-school program.

Graduation Video:


So what else is new? Jake and I have moved and I guess things are okay. I'm super worried that I won't be able to afford everything, so definitely send a prayer my way. In the meantime, I can only take one day at a time. I'll have some photos of the apartment up soon. We're still unpacking, and it feels like I'll never be finished.

I took some time off from work to make this a long weekend, and Jake and I have spent some time in the pool. He's doing a terrific job with learning to swim.




More updates later. Time for bed around here!

Toof Fairy Comes Tonight!

Most of you know how concerned I have been about this tooth. About 30 minutes ago while Jake was playing Wii, I heard "My toof fell out!" I ran into the living room and hallelujah, the tooth was out!

He still has another on the bottom just hanging there. Can you say "braces"? lol!

Look at that sweet face! I do dread going through this for the rest of his baby teeth. This is only the second one he's lost. Help!

Back from Hiatus

I used to be a little better at keeping up with my blogs. I have more of the Home Place story to post as soon as I get some pictures sorted out, and there's lots of things coming up, but since I started my job, which I really like, it's been tough to find any time for all the things I love. I haven't scrapbooked in close to a year, but I actually have a scrapbook to create for someone else! I'm nervous about it, hope I can do a good job, and she likes my style. Plus, her little one is a girl! I get to use pink and flowers and all kind of girlie stuff!

Thinking of selling the house, may be putting it up for sale around the end of April. We don't need a house as large as this one. It costs way too much to heat and cool. I can't keep up with all the cleaning either. I love the idea of simplifying and downsizing, and to prepare, we've started cleaning out and organizing!

I figured we'd start with a small space, and we picked the master bedroom closet/laundry room. I'm not sure I ever want the laundry room inside the closet again. I guess it's nice because all the laundry is hidden, and you just have to toss your dirty stuff in the basket, but it just seemed to stay a mess all the time. It was also kind of weird to have the washer repairman in the closet the other day.

Do I even have to say that small space took all freaking day? I still have to pull the washer and dryer out and clean the floor there, but otherwise, we're done with that. Hopefully, we can keep it clean and not have to start over once we get the rest of the house done.

I didn't take before pictures because that would have shown what a slob I've become, but here are some after shots. LOL!

The laundry area. Can you believe I actually had to call the Maytag Repairman? Washer was just a year old, and the transmission went out.

It's sad how few clothes I have. I definitely need to shop for clothes. Can't wear my PJs to work like I have for the past 8 years. IGNORE the horrible floral border. We never did get that down.

Towels and sheets. I love neatly folded towels!

As I mentioned, I really like my new job. It's so close to home and to Jake's school, that the extra gas isn't too big a factor. My insurance started this month! BIG YAY! I feel more like a real person again instead of someone struggling with everything. AND...look where I got to park the whole month of February!

I'd like to say I earned "employee of the month", but they draw names! : ) I'll take it!

Okay, so the tooth fairy paid her first visit a while back. Jake had one of the baby teeth on the bottom front so loose that I couldn't believe it just didn't fall out. I managed to get him to let his Papa "feel" of the tooth, and Papa just popped it right out! I think the little bit of blood was scary, but Jake got over it pretty quick. Now though, he will not let me wiggle any of the REALLY loose teeth basically hanging out of his mouth. Look!

See that front tooth? It's almost horizontal, it's so loose! He won't let me wiggle it and he won't wiggle it himself. It's driving me nuts! It's the same thing with the other front bottom tooth. The little thing is just dangling, and his permanent teeth are already in! I managed to get him to agree to go to a dentist here in town, a kids' dentist, so that he can get a cleaning, and if I have anything to do with it, have these teeth pulled! Well...the dentist could blow on them and they'll probably come right out. My silly boy!

What else? We had Bella spayed. She was out of it the day of and the day after, but then she was basically back to her wild-girl self. WILD! She's really a sweet girl, has learned to sit for her biscuit, but the potty training sucks! We take her out and she'll do her business. Then, we bring her in, and she does her business again in the dining room! In a few weeks, she's going for some training, and my friend Stephanie recommended a great trainer who specializes in potty training. I can't wait! We need the leash training, too, because Bella runs on the leash likes she pulling an Alaskan sled dog team...as the lead dog of course.

I will leave you with this...

Bella says...Spring is almost here!

2010 - A Week In

I am definitely looking forward to the New Year, definitely hoping for positive changes, and I have lots of plans, but I am feeling:


mel⋅an⋅chol⋅y
noun, plural -chol⋅ies, adjective–noun

1. a gloomy state of mind, esp. when habitual or prolonged; depression.
2. sober thoughtfulness; pensiveness.


Definition #2 fits the best, I believe.

My great aunt passed away the day after Christmas. She was 88. Although I didn't see her as much as my immediate family, every time I did see her, she always had a hug for me, a squeeze of my hand, and since Jake came along, would always tell me how special he was. She was a wonderful lady.

Her passing perhaps brought about some reflection, and I'll admit I also heard Kenny G's rendition of Auld Lang Syne and although this sounds silly, the clips played of people from the past, from events that happened over the years all made me realize how much has happened in my lifetime: events that changed us all, some that shocked and astounded us, and how many people were a part of this world and are no longer with us.

In reflecting back on my own life, I realized how much I miss certain people. My mom's mother, my dad's brothers, my stepbrother, Pat's mom, and others are no longer with us and I truly miss them.

There will never be another time when I walk through the screen door at my grandmother's house and call out "yooooohoooo!" and have her call it back to me. No more walking in her bedroom and seeing a quilt in progress on top of her bed and watching her applique while we talk.

No more e-mails to my uncle, Bob, sent just to make him laugh with a smart-ass comment sent back to me, and I can't delete him from my address book because I miss him so much.

At the wake for my great aunt, a lady was telling my dad she had 5 kids, and when she asked my dad how many he had he said well, we lost one, but we have 5. My stepbrother, Jim, passed away an unbelievable 10 years ago after an auto accident. I still see how much my stepmom misses him and I can feel it when his name is mentioned or it's his birthday or the anniversary of his death. I miss him, too.

Pat's sister and her family were here visiting and brought in the New Year with us. We were talking about their mom and laughing about some of her silly sayings, some I can't even put in print here! Let's just say she loved the phrase "horse's ass" and used it regularly. What a beautiful lady she was and again, I can feel how much Pat and Karen miss her. I cannot imagine not having my mother here on earth with me.

I got to visit with my best friend, Maria, as well. I went over after work to spend some time with her and her family before they had to drive back to Raleigh. We figured it up, and we have been friends for 30 years. Do you know she looks exactly the same to me? I practically grew up in her house and her family feels like my own. Gosh, it was wonderful being there again. I even discovered that the wall we all wrote on downstairs in their workout room still has everyone's signatures on it. Her dad said, he looks at while he works out and it gives him a good feeling. Maria was going to have her kids sign the wall as well. I wish I had my camera with me that night to get a photo. That's high on my list for next time!

One of my biggest wishes for 2010 is that my personal life improves. For every step we take forward, we seem to take one back, just spinning our wheels. I just hope that we can work things out and no matter what, it will be in Jake's best interest. I'm so sad that things have turned out the way they have.

This post was actually interrupted since I started it a few days ago. I woke up this past Tuesday feeling horrible, aching all over. I made it to work, but after about 2 hours I ended up back home. I crawled into bed, called my mom to pick up Jake, and then slept off and on. I would wake myself up moaning. I don't think I've ever been in so much pain.

When my mom brought Jake home, she took one look at me and called my doctor. My flu test was negative, but with the back and neck pain I was having, he was concerned for possible viral meningitis and had me go to the ER. Once there, they gave me fluids and started some tests. Luckily, the doctor did not think I had viral meningitis, but definitely a viral illness. He said he could still be the flu despite a negative test. I was given more fluids, some pain meds, and eventually sent home.

I'm still feeling weak from it all and now Jake and I both have stuffy noses, cough, and low-grade fevers. Oh the joy of winter and school kids passing colds and such back and forth to each other!