Monday, September 26, 2011

Back in the Saddle

I have ignored my little blog and other things I enjoy doing for way too long now. The past year and a half has been tumultuous, stressful, and full of changes, and I’m still praying for things to settle down to anything close to normalcy for Jake and me. But what is normal, right? I know what it used to be, but who knows if it will ever be close to that again.

To recap:

May 2010 Jake and I moved out of our home with Pat into an apartment that Jake and I ended up hating. LOL! There were a few good things: the pool, Jake won a Halloween costume contest; things like that. Overall, the apartment was too small for us and I felt closed in. I guess Jake picked up on that.

If it weren’t for my parents, my good friends Lisa and Mandy, and Kelly P, I’m not sure what I would have done. My cousins helped me through it by letting me vent endlessly about the breakup, the apartment, money issues, and I’m sure it felt like on and on and on to them.

Around June 2010, I realized Pat had met someone else already. Interesting to me considering it happened so quickly, and they were already seemingly “in love”. (Gag me with a spoon!) However, the denial of any cheating again was made, so whatever! I did speak my peace concerning this person interacting with Jake at this point, so hopefully we are on the same page, and my wishes will be respected in that regard.

We actually worked out a support agreement between the two of us concerning Jake and expenses for school, medical bills, etc. for him, and so far that is working out well. Honestly, I never expected us to agree on anything and for this, I’m very grateful.

Jake and I made it through our first holidays. Pat came over Christmas morning and watched him open his gifts. Jake wasn’t happy when she left and didn’t do anything else with us.

During the holiday time, I was VERY blessed to have a lady at work and her parents sponsor Jake and me. They helped out so much with gifts for him, groceries, gift cards for me to spend on anything else he needed, and even cash. This really got us through the holidays and I felt so much better knowing Jake had the things he wanted from Santa. Despite that I never really decorated our tree and my mood was a little somber, we got through it.

Jake finished up 1st grade in the spring of 2011. I could not believe my baby would be headed to second grade come fall! This summer he really enjoyed summer camp at Kickin’ Kids. He met his first best friend, Don Criss, and two other boys he enjoys playing with, Noah and Emerson. We still need to set up play dates for Noah and Emerson, but Jake and Don Criss are very insistent on seeing each other outside of school! They are best buddies and it’s really cute to listen to Jake’s side of the conversation when they talk on the phone. I think at one point, he was giving Don Criss a virtual tour of our place over the phone! Too cute!

Once our lease was up at the apartment and after looking for a new place for us, I found a townhouse that I am renting to own. I guess it was meant to be since it all came together the way it did, but the worrier in me is concerned that I did the right thing, that I can afford it, and that at the end of the three years I can actually purchase the home. Luckily, the owner said if I needed extra time, it was no problem.

We moved in at the end of June. My sister was a huge help along with my parents and a friend of my dad’s. Lisa B. came over and helped me unpack the kitchen and set it up. Kelly P. helped me move boxes around, up to the attic, etc. And a friend of mine, Joan, was amazing helping with moving boxes from downstairs to upstairs as well. I’d recently been in a walking boot after hurting my ankle so her climbing the stairs for me like that was a godsend!

We’re settling in slowly. There are still boxes in the garage that need to be unpacked and an organized stack of them in the living room waiting for bookcases. We need furniture, storage type pieces as well as a couch (more on that later) and a few other things. It’ll all come in time, and I’m hoping to create some artwork of my own for the walls.

Things are better than they were all the way around. Pat and I get along for the most part; we have our agreement on financial support as well as visitation so I guess we’re okay.

Jake isn’t enjoying 2nd grade as much as 1st, but hopefully that will change. He’s been back for about a month and a half so I’m hoping it’s a matter of him adjusting to the increase in schoolwork as well as homework, no naps or rest times like in kindergarten and first grade, and a lot more structure thrown into the mix.

My mom has been a blessing for us as well. She helps with Jake when she can, and I enjoy spending time with her and wish we could spend more together. Thanks to her, my wonderful Pier One Imports sofa is on its way and should be in our home in 2 weeks. I’m so excited to know it’s coming- a good start to decorating our new home. I’ll definitely be posting my ideas on decorating soon.

I’m seeing a little more of Amy, (my sister)not like I’d wish, but more than in the past. I hope she’s doing well and can accomplish some of her goals, too. She deserves to be happy, and I think if the two of us can overcome our own self-doubt, it make work out for both of us.

My dad was diagnosed with prostate cancer and is over halfway through his radiation treatments after surgery. I’m so glad he’s doing so well and pray every day that he is cured from this. It’s been so hard on him and my stepmom, but also on my grandmother. She has worried herself so over her son, and who can blame her? Overall though, my dad is great, feeling well with no radiation side effects, and we are so grateful.

I still enjoy my job for the most part. There’s really no room for advancement of any type, and this company really isn’t known for giving raises, but I have insurance, the pay could be a lot worse, and one thing that gets me through it is I have my own office. Although people come in and out during the day, I’m basically alone and that’s how I like it. I’m hopeful that next year I will not use up all of my PTO time on Jake or me being sick. We both had the flu, I hurt my ankle at work, but still had to take PTO time to see the doctor, which I think is wrong, but oh well, and I’ve had some other health issues so not one of my 128 hours of PTO was used for any fun. Jake and I have started a vacation $ jar and we’re planning on no sickness to use up my PTO and a fun vacation for us, even if it is a trip down to the beach for a long weekend. I’d love to take him to Disney because I think he’d really enjoy himself, but I may be reaching too far.

My friends, Lisa and Mandy-what can I say? They are wonderful to Jake and me, and I appreciate them so much. Kelly P.-gosh, he's helped us so much and Jake has a Wii competitor, too.

Lastly, and I’ll write more about this later, I have discovered something about myself. I may have blogged previously about seeing a counselor and dealing with weight/eating issues. After changing counselors (because the previous counselor was one that Pat and I both saw for couples’ counseling as well as individually), I know now that I have a true eating disorder. It’s really hard for my family to understand. I think they just see me as someone who enjoys food and over eats. Well sure, I do enjoy food. Who doesn’t? But, they don’t understand the binging, the night eating, the compulsiveness about it all, and how it is much, much more than overeating and not exercising or needing to diet. Perhaps also they think I'm just using that as an excuse? I think my cousins understand and are very empathetic because they too struggle with food issues. I think my friends understand although perhaps they think it’s simply a lack of willpower? I’m not sure. Hopefully, I can explain enough in later blog posts to help them understand more about eating disorders.

For now, I’ll leave off here. I can’t catch up a year’s worth of events and changes in one post, but I’m planning to start doing the things I love again, the things that keep me going on another level, things that allow me to be creative, and that inspire me to be a better mom and a better person all the way around.

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