Writing, Family, and Trying to Stay Positive

While it is taking longer than I'd hoped to see my articles on the blog, I am officially writing for All Women Stalk, a women's blog that provides you with a little bit of everything in one place.  I've even been paid in a timely manner for my first article.  While its audience may be women between 18 and 35, there is still lots of good information for women of any age.  There are articles on a huge variety of topics from makeup to sex, food and health to travel, dating and weddings, and so on.  I have always wanted to write and while this may not have been where I thought I'd start out, it certainly is great experience.  Currently, I'm working on my second week of topics.  You can bet I'll post them here so everyone can read them, and I can't wait to hear your feedback!  I'm also hoping to find my way into another writing job similar to this one or completely different; it really doesn't matter.  While writing has always been a dream, could it possibly be that I CAN do something I love and make money? 

I think I'm doing much better with maintaining a positive attitude despite the fact that it's very difficult! It's so hard not to think of my utility bills piling up unpaid, and when the cupboards and the fridge get close to empty, it's hard not to get upset.  I'm trying, though, for myself and for Jake.  Despite the feeling that it doesn't matter how positive I am, it's not going to pay anything or buy food, I'm trying.  I did end up awake until about 5 this morning worrying about everything, and that's not good.  Sometimes, I wonder if anyone can understand that this kind of thing affects you in so many ways.  Without sleep, I'm exhausted and can't think straight.  My reflexes aren't as quick.  Worry and depression have so many physical side effects.  I can't multitask anymore.  My ability to focus is nonexistent.  My memory is laughable. There's no enthusiasm for much of anything.  I've cancelled dates or meetings with friends because I just couldn't motivate myself.  The toughest is just feeling so alone.  I do my best to not think that way.

I have made more of an effort to touch base with my family this week.  I put in a call to my dad and grandmother today and enjoyed talking to both of them.  My poor grandmother has lost so much of her hearing that with my higher/softer voice, she can't hear me without my yelling.  Do you know it will tire you out to yell for 45 minutes? 

My poor mother is dealing with what we all knew she'd have to at some point.  When her stepfather died last summer, we knew that eventually the day would come to deal with the will and probate.  Not only that, but deep inside, she and I knew how her brother would end up behaving about everything.  Up until this past Sunday when they met to talk about things for the first time, he seemed to be quite agreeable with everything, but of course it was all pretense.  He pulled the "I took care of Pop for seven years and if I hadn't there'd be no land to sell."  Of course, that's not true because Pop, as we called him, ended up in a nursing home anyway, and when discussing the expenses my mom was told they weren't in the land business, but if the bills weren't paid they would do what they had to do.  Sadly, Pop wasn't in the nursing home long before he passed.  My mom and her sister are executors of the will, and my mom thought that selling some scrap metal that ended up on the property, an old tractor, and a 1930-something Chevy truck would settle the debt with the nursing home and not have to come out of anyone's pockets.  Then they could sell the land and split the proceeds from the sale three ways as the will specifies.

Sunday evening, my mom told me that now her brother wants the truck and the tractor and he doesn't want to sell his land.  In my opinion, I think he may have tried to convince my mom's sister not to sell either because she's saying she doesn't now.  There is not much road frontage to this property so this would make it extremely difficult for my mom to sell whatever her part would be of the 36 acres.  What gets me is my aunt has no use whatsoever for 12 acres of land down in the boondocks.  She and her husband are retired and comfortable, but you never know where health issues may arise.  To me, it makes sense they put their part in the bank and let it grow.  My aunt knows this, too, but for some reason she's balking.  My mom's brother has some pretty severe health issues and had  major heart surgery last year.  I can only imagine the hospital bill from that.  He's not physically able to do anything with the land or the truck or the tractor.  It's simple greed that's motivating him.  He told my mom she didn't deserve anything because she didn't help with Pop, her stepfather. I guess that doesn't matter since Pop included mama in the will, does it?  I just get so aggravated that my uncle would treat my mother this way.

A few years ago when their aunt passed, she left everything to her nieces.  My mother felt bad and gave her brother some money from her part of the inheritance and had him come with her to the sale of household items telling him that if he wanted anything to let her know.  She didn't have to do that, but she did it because she cared about him.  What she gets in return is the fact pointed out that she's "just a stepdaughter" to Pop.  Well, she is my grandmother's daughter and if it weren't for my grandmother there would be no land. That's what my aunt and uncle forget or choose to overlook.  This whole thing makes me sick and I feel bad for my mom.  I told her though, that she's an executor and that she should just take charge of it.  And when she was thinking about not taking the percentage one gets as being an executor because she thought it was unfair to her brother, I told her to take it and not feel an ounce of guilt! I think every will should have the stipulation added that the first heir to start fighting about the will should be excluded from it immediately.

As far as our new place goes, It's about as organized as it will get.  As small as the duplex is, I can only do so much.  It'll work though until things change.  It's a lot darker than any place I've lived with dark brown doors to each room and dark brown closet doors and even the wall color is a dark beige.  We have lights on most of the time.  Bad thing is, we aren't allowed to paint!  If I could only paint the closet and room doors white and lighten up the walls, it would help so much.  Don't say anything, but I may just do it anyway!