Changing It Up

I'll be over at my new blog at HeartScraps giving a new blog hosting site a try.  Who knows? I may return to blogger, but for now I needed a change.  Come see me!

Friday Quickies/Quirkies

I have wanted one of these forever!  I would look on e-bay or other sites and most were a bit pricey for my budget.  My mom had this one the entire time tucked in some closet!  It's mine now, baby!

I guess I'm not 13, but why is this sexy or cute?  I just can't figure out the fascination with this guy.  Guess I had teen idols that grownups didn't care for, but I have an appreciation for Big Time Rush and even One Direction, but I will never understand JB.

Was hoping to be sitting under one of these next week, but the trip was cancelled.  I'm a very sad girl right now.  I was hoping to regroup, meditate, journal, and forget about job hunting just for a few days.

I want this sign!

This little guy made my day...

with this:

I've decided that I could camp if I could be a Glamper!  Who wouldn't love camping in these?  Heck, I'd glamp in my backyard every weekend! 

Check out the inside of a couple.  Adorable!!

Here are some more pictures of some cute exteriors and interiors.  Can you tell I'm partial to pink? 

Check out this little cupcake business.  Gives me an idea or three.  Cute little burger stand?  My dad makes such great burgers, I know we'd do well.  Yogurt or homemade ice cream stand?  Soups for the fall and winter?  I know in my area, people are desperate for good food and new places.

Happy weekend, everyone!

Writing "Young"

I have been writing for an online magazine for about three weeks now.  I was concerned at first about the age of their readership, which is about 16 to 25.  I'm going to be 50 next April!  I am the mother of a 9 year old so parenting and kids' stuff are easy, but it's not all I want to write about.  How on earth do I write younger than my age? 

Firstly, it's been almost 25 years since I was 25!  When I was 16, I was so incredibly shy that I never spoke to anyone so how would I know what other 16 year old girls were into?  Some of the topics I've seen on the site are about choosing the best shade of lipstick.  Lipstick?  Honestly, I'm lucky to find time to put on makeup at all.  Great vintage hairstyles is another article I came across.  I'm happy to have hair still!  I also spotted the article on Inspirational rap songs to listen to when you're down.  Is there such a thing, really? 

Coming upon the midway point of my life (hopefully), all I know  firsthand to write about besides my sweet boy, is how not to pee when you sneeze or cough, when NOT to roll your eyes at a teenager you see making an idiot of themselves and hoping your kid never does the same thing, and what Spanx will do to you if you don't get those suckers pulled up all the way. 

Any suggestions for writing for the younger generation of women? 

Another Article up on All Women Stalk!

I'm so excited to see another of my articles up on All Women Stalk!  I realize it's a very small start to any type of writing "career", but it's something I never imagined happening.  I'm looking for other writing jobs and have a few leads so I'm hopeful. 

I had a great weekend, and it looks like I may be be able to go on the little getaway I was invited to.  I'll be able to spend the days on the beach while my friend is handling his business meetings.  Then we'll have the evenings together.  I can't wait!  I need this little respite so badly.

Happy Monday!

My "Being Unemployed" Pet Peeves (Tongue in Cheek Mostly)

"Wow, your front tires are really bald."  Why yes, yes they are.  Thank you for reminding me.  There are several tire companies up the street if you would like to buy four new tires for me.

"Goodness, your house is a mess."  Priorities?  Looking for work is a bigger priority than how clean my house is right now.

"I saw an ad....gosh what was it...you'd be great at it...man, what WAS that?"  Shut the hell up.

"Susie said you should go to the new office the hospital is opening."
"Which one?"
"It's the new one."  (Our hospital opens up new offices practically every day.) 
"Well, just go there."
"Where is it?"
"I don't know."
Thanks.

"Don't get upset."  Do not tell me NOT to get upset.  I can get upset if I want to.  I'm allowed to have a breakdown, to cry, and to be friggin'  upset!

"Well, a lot of people have it much worse."  Yes, that is true, BUT:

"Let me know if you need anything."  Okay, I need groceries, gas in my car, and new glasses.  "You know I'd help if I could."

Above all these, the silence is the worst.  You rarely hear from anyone aside from the quick "how are things going" you may get in an email or text.  No one calls because they think you're only going to talk about being unemployed.  Actually, I want to hear from you because I'd rather hear how you are and talk about something so far  from my issues so that I can feel normal again. Yes, I could call and ask what's up and suggest we do something.  Once I know my free time, most have made plans.  I have learned to be more spontaneous because my free time is dictated by my family, but I'm not sure anyone does spontaneous anymore. I may not have the cash to go to dinner or a movie, yet I still need and want to socialize and talk and laugh.  I'm still the same person I was before I lost my job.  I'm only going through a tough time.  I don't have a contagious disease and you shouldn't have to put a spit mask on me while I'm with you. 

I find myself here at least once or twice a week these days:

Really, I'm writing what's been in my head the past couple of days, and it's rather silly, but there is some truth in it as well.  My stepmom was here yesterday to help me with something, and she asked me if I'd had dinner yet.  I said I hadn't, and so the two of us went out for dinner together.  She said, "I can at least get you out of the house for a while."  It was such a nice thing to hear and really, she didn't have to spend money to get me out of the house.  In fact, just being with me and chit-chatting was super nice.  Just hearing the words and knowing she understood was relieving and uplifting at the same time.

That's all someone needs really who is going through a tough time.  Your time, your company, your understanding.  That's all. 

First Article up on All Women Stalk!

I was SO happy to see my article on the web site!  I was assigned this topic so I had to do the best I could with something I really knew nothing about, but I added my take on the topic, Jennifer at AWS liked it, and now it's online!

Jake is away this weekend; he and I both needed a break from each other, poor guy.  I had a lovely Friday evening with a friend. I have more writing to do this weekend, and I'm looking forward to some time for myself.  I feel good about things, trying to stay positive, and I've applied for several jobs this week I'd really like to hear from. I'm looking for other writing jobs as well. 

We're scheduled to meet with a psychologist for Jake, just the adults on Thursday.  I'm looking forward to meeting her and hopeful that she can help Jake get past his anxieties.  I hate seeing my boy this way.  It's been a tough summer for him so far and he's really not enjoyed much of it at all.

I finally watched the Dustin Hoffman video that's been going around the Internet.  Whether he's sincere or not, the statement he makes is still true.  Men and women make a quick judgement on looks and if you aren't beautiful, you're cast aside.  What a shame that is, isn't it?  Below is the video if you haven't watched.

Happy weekend!

Hump Day Post

There's really not much going on today.  I'm waiting on my topics to be approved so I can get my next set of articles done for All Women Stalk.  In the meantime, a Wednesday blog post. 

Jake and I have our days and nights upside down.  He's a night owl like me so I have just as hard a time insisting he go to bed at 9:30 as he does going.  We have to get this fixed though or else I will be in big trouble come the first day of school.  Summer bedtime is 9:30 and I don't blame him for not liking it, but he is quite grumpy without his sleep.  This past school year, I moved bedtime to 8:30 instead of 9:00 because of how difficult it was to get him out of bed.  Once I start working again, it will be really important he get up and get dressed without my having to repeat it 50 times.  Wish I had an alarm like Sponge Bob's ship horn.  That might do the trick! 

Came across an interesting web site today called Purple Clover.  I'm still figuring everything out, but I've enjoyed reading the posts so far.  Check it out!

Finally swept and mopped my kitchen floor since moving in!  I had some little things to put away still so now that's done, I have a completely clean kitchen.  I'm thinking of selling my larger rectangular dining table and six chairs and getting a round table.  I've wanted one anyway and it will fit much better in this space.  I'll have to price round tables and make sure I can get for my table what a round one will cost.  I want the mismatched chairs like this, which perhaps I could borrow (confiscate) from family, except I'm not sure on the blue color or all white or perhaps different colors!  I have no fear of color! 

I'm really looking forward to a free weekend coming up.  It's been a while since Jake has spent a weekend away and I'm sure we both need a break from each other.  I know I'm in desperate need of some quiet time.  Jake needs time with Pat and I hope she can get some further insight on his anxieties.

I'm really worried about this.  He was so fearful of a possible storm today and even got angry about it.  I did my best to talk with him and explain our area's weather pattern, but it was not much help to him.  These fears-an extreme fear of storms, fear of something happening to me so much that he follows me from room to room, and a fear of the world ending and everyone dying-have to be part of a bigger fear maybe?  I just can't figure it out.  I can't watch the news, commercials about life insurance or fire/flood insurance trigger his anxiety, and the unusually stormy and rainy summer we're having doesn't help one bit.  I tried to remember when this started and I guess within the last year.  Of course, losing my job 9 months ago hasn't helped and may have exacerbated his fears.  I'm just not sure and can only guess.  We try to use the tips the family counselor gives us, but they don't always work.  Pray that we can get this all figured out and help our boy.

Fifty Shades-1000 Times Yes

I was cleaning up the documents folder on my laptop and found something I'd written about Fifty Shades of Grey, probably at work while bored.  While Fifty Shades is now about to become a movie and most everyone has read it who's going to, I'll still post this just for the purpose of sharing my thoughts on the book.  I still think Ian Somerholder should play Christian simply because of his eyes!  I've not made a choice on who should play Ana, but guess we'll see eventually who is chosen. 

1000 times YES!

I had not heard anything about Fifty Shades of Grey by E. L. James when I happen to see it on the customer service counter at my local Barnes and Noble.  I had picked it up to read the back, but never got the chance since the clerk was ready for me quicker than I expected.  Later, I caught an episode of Ellen where she was “reading” for the audio book version of Fifty Shades.  Of course, she was hilarious, and I made a mental note to check out the book.  

A few days later I was checking in on TallyScrapper, my old scrapbooking stomping ground, and there was a message board post about Fifty Shades.  I was immediately intrigued by all the comments such as “hubby’s getting more action lately” and “the spanking wouldn’t bother me” and went to Amazon on the old Kindle to search it out.  

A few minutes and $9.99 later I had the book and started reading.  I immediately loved the characters and everything about the book.  Yes, it’s been called “Mommy Porn”, and it’s been noted that most women reading it are in their 30s and 40s despite the young ages of the characters.  I’m not ashamed to admit I LOVE this book and the entire trilogy.  Before I even finished the first book, I downloaded Fifty Shades Darker, and Fifty Shades of Freed, knew I wanted them both, and I did not want to finish book 1 without being able to immediately go into book 2.

So, I knew my scrapbooking buddies were really enjoying the books, but when I asked others I got replies like, “I’ve not heard anything good about it.” or “It’s really obscene.” or “I don’t know why you’d want to read that stuff.”  Well, I’m admitting it here and now, I’m a Fifty Shades fan and I have so far read the books, yes all three, through three times already!!!  

Sorry to any of you prudish types who think sex is something to be ashamed of.  Sorry to those of you who want everyone to think you’re a good girl, when in fact, you’re probably dying to read it but don’t want to get caught with the book in your shaking little hands!  Sorry to any feminists out there who may have a problem with the book and how Ana submits to Christian.  (I’ve not heard anything about feminists saying this.  This is simply a thought I had.)  Sorry Mom.  Sorry to friends and family who thought they knew everything about me.  The books are freaking awesome!  

I’m telling you right now, if I had a Christian Grey walk into my life, I would answer him “1000 times yes!”  I’ve admitted it and I’ve said it out loud!  In a heartbeat, I would go for it and enjoy every single second! 

E. L. James, THANK YOU from the bottom of my curious and more than likely perverted little heart!  And would you please go ahead and finish writing the books from Christian’s point of view?  Me likey that little teaser!!

You think you know someone, right? Ha! 

Actually Finishing an Old Project

I have no idea how long ago I cut the squares for these quilt ideas I had, but let's just say "a while ago".  I'm determined to finish them.  Here are my color combos.

These are all shades of brown, but some look a little pink in the photo.  I'm wondering if I should reverse the pattern.  Not sure I'm liking this, plus I ran out of room on the table to finish out the entire thing.  Probably should move to the living room floor to layout the complete look. The squares are 2 x 2 inches.  This will probably be just a quilted throw as opposed to a bed sized quilt.

These are 3-inch squares of purples.  Not sure I like the two paler colors.  May just stick with the other four.

Another 2-inch set of squares.  Not sure of my pattern yet for either purple set, but I'll play with some once I get the brown quilt finished. 

I have one quilt that's ready for the quilting.  I think it's a perfect quilt to use on the floor when your baby needs tummy time or napping.  Ignore the black threads.  That's just the basting to hold the layers together while I quilt.  The backing will be hemmed toward the front to make the border.

Somehow, Carrie Williams from Monsters University made it into this shot.  Couldn't have been Jake had anything to do with it, right?  

I saved 5 or 6 of Jake's baby blankets and I thought I'd create a simple patchwork quilt using them, but haven't completely decided yet.  That would be it for quilting though.  I'm not the best seamstress and then as far as the actual quilting part, I'm very slow.  My goal is to finish them so that's the main thing. 

Look for most progress photos soon!  I'll drag out my great-grandmother's sewing machine and get started!

Finally Doing Something Crafty Again

Another odd day, but they all seem to be that way lately.  It's still too strange not getting up and going to work every day.  Maybe if I felt like I could enjoy it that would help? 

I'm planning on getting my craft on this weekend, possibly starting tomorrow.  I have not put together a quilt that I've had the pieces cut for and it's about time I did!  I'm thinking if it looks like I want it to afterwards, I'll try selling it to help the financial situation around here. 

My yarn stash is running short so I can't finish up my crochet projects so that I can get them donated.  I'm hoping soon there will be a little extra money for me to hit Michael's and the yarn aisle. 

I also need to print pictures.  I guess I haven't printed pictures in several years.  Every time I visit my grandmother she is always asking if I have new pictures to show her, so I'd better get them done.

Planning to put these on e-bay if I can find some information about them first.  They are tiny vases, less than 2.5 inches, all made in Occupied Japan.

If you know anything about the value of anything like this, leave a comment.  I've had them for years and I don't display them anymore so I thought that maybe selling them to someone who could add them to a collection and appreciate them would be better than them stored in a box here.

Keep an eye out for the quilting posts coming soon!

Writing, Family, and Trying to Stay Positive

While it is taking longer than I'd hoped to see my articles on the blog, I am officially writing for All Women Stalk, a women's blog that provides you with a little bit of everything in one place.  I've even been paid in a timely manner for my first article.  While its audience may be women between 18 and 35, there is still lots of good information for women of any age.  There are articles on a huge variety of topics from makeup to sex, food and health to travel, dating and weddings, and so on.  I have always wanted to write and while this may not have been where I thought I'd start out, it certainly is great experience.  Currently, I'm working on my second week of topics.  You can bet I'll post them here so everyone can read them, and I can't wait to hear your feedback!  I'm also hoping to find my way into another writing job similar to this one or completely different; it really doesn't matter.  While writing has always been a dream, could it possibly be that I CAN do something I love and make money? 

I think I'm doing much better with maintaining a positive attitude despite the fact that it's very difficult! It's so hard not to think of my utility bills piling up unpaid, and when the cupboards and the fridge get close to empty, it's hard not to get upset.  I'm trying, though, for myself and for Jake.  Despite the feeling that it doesn't matter how positive I am, it's not going to pay anything or buy food, I'm trying.  I did end up awake until about 5 this morning worrying about everything, and that's not good.  Sometimes, I wonder if anyone can understand that this kind of thing affects you in so many ways.  Without sleep, I'm exhausted and can't think straight.  My reflexes aren't as quick.  Worry and depression have so many physical side effects.  I can't multitask anymore.  My ability to focus is nonexistent.  My memory is laughable. There's no enthusiasm for much of anything.  I've cancelled dates or meetings with friends because I just couldn't motivate myself.  The toughest is just feeling so alone.  I do my best to not think that way.

I have made more of an effort to touch base with my family this week.  I put in a call to my dad and grandmother today and enjoyed talking to both of them.  My poor grandmother has lost so much of her hearing that with my higher/softer voice, she can't hear me without my yelling.  Do you know it will tire you out to yell for 45 minutes? 

My poor mother is dealing with what we all knew she'd have to at some point.  When her stepfather died last summer, we knew that eventually the day would come to deal with the will and probate.  Not only that, but deep inside, she and I knew how her brother would end up behaving about everything.  Up until this past Sunday when they met to talk about things for the first time, he seemed to be quite agreeable with everything, but of course it was all pretense.  He pulled the "I took care of Pop for seven years and if I hadn't there'd be no land to sell."  Of course, that's not true because Pop, as we called him, ended up in a nursing home anyway, and when discussing the expenses my mom was told they weren't in the land business, but if the bills weren't paid they would do what they had to do.  Sadly, Pop wasn't in the nursing home long before he passed.  My mom and her sister are executors of the will, and my mom thought that selling some scrap metal that ended up on the property, an old tractor, and a 1930-something Chevy truck would settle the debt with the nursing home and not have to come out of anyone's pockets.  Then they could sell the land and split the proceeds from the sale three ways as the will specifies.

Sunday evening, my mom told me that now her brother wants the truck and the tractor and he doesn't want to sell his land.  In my opinion, I think he may have tried to convince my mom's sister not to sell either because she's saying she doesn't now.  There is not much road frontage to this property so this would make it extremely difficult for my mom to sell whatever her part would be of the 36 acres.  What gets me is my aunt has no use whatsoever for 12 acres of land down in the boondocks.  She and her husband are retired and comfortable, but you never know where health issues may arise.  To me, it makes sense they put their part in the bank and let it grow.  My aunt knows this, too, but for some reason she's balking.  My mom's brother has some pretty severe health issues and had  major heart surgery last year.  I can only imagine the hospital bill from that.  He's not physically able to do anything with the land or the truck or the tractor.  It's simple greed that's motivating him.  He told my mom she didn't deserve anything because she didn't help with Pop, her stepfather. I guess that doesn't matter since Pop included mama in the will, does it?  I just get so aggravated that my uncle would treat my mother this way.

A few years ago when their aunt passed, she left everything to her nieces.  My mother felt bad and gave her brother some money from her part of the inheritance and had him come with her to the sale of household items telling him that if he wanted anything to let her know.  She didn't have to do that, but she did it because she cared about him.  What she gets in return is the fact pointed out that she's "just a stepdaughter" to Pop.  Well, she is my grandmother's daughter and if it weren't for my grandmother there would be no land. That's what my aunt and uncle forget or choose to overlook.  This whole thing makes me sick and I feel bad for my mom.  I told her though, that she's an executor and that she should just take charge of it.  And when she was thinking about not taking the percentage one gets as being an executor because she thought it was unfair to her brother, I told her to take it and not feel an ounce of guilt! I think every will should have the stipulation added that the first heir to start fighting about the will should be excluded from it immediately.

As far as our new place goes, It's about as organized as it will get.  As small as the duplex is, I can only do so much.  It'll work though until things change.  It's a lot darker than any place I've lived with dark brown doors to each room and dark brown closet doors and even the wall color is a dark beige.  We have lights on most of the time.  Bad thing is, we aren't allowed to paint!  If I could only paint the closet and room doors white and lighten up the walls, it would help so much.  Don't say anything, but I may just do it anyway! 

My Sweet Boy

What an odd past few days, odd in the way that everything "felt" strange, like something was going to happen.  Nothing did, or perhaps it hasn't yet. 

I enjoyed Friday evening with a great guy I've known for about a year.  It's nice to be close to someone again, but still without strings, without pressure.  I haven't introduced him to Jake and until I know it's serious or going somewhere, I have no plans to.  We have enough going on there without my adding anything for him to stress or worry about.

Jake will start seeing his counselor again.  He even asked me if he could.  We'd thought it might be good for him to talk to someone about his anxieties.  He did really well with the counseling, although he'd only had about 3 visits.  Pat decided to not send him anymore, but I knew stopping it was a mistake.  Once again, we're back at square one if not another step back.

He is so afraid something is going to happen to me.  He gets upset if he doesn't know where I am at all times.  I have gotten out of the shower to find him sitting outside the tub waiting to make sure I made it out.  He spent Friday night with my mom and around 9:45 he called crying, worried that something had happened.  I realize this is something bigger than I could handle.   I can't leave the room without Jake following me. 

On top of this, he has become absolutely terrified of storms.  I'm talking full-fledged panic attack scared.  Every morning, we have to check the weather.  Then at least every half hour, he's looking out the window and asking me what kind of clouds are out there.  Are they storm clouds or is it nighttime and that's why it's dark? 

There are also anxieties about dying and the world ending.  I have no idea where this came from.  I know better than to have the news on or watch any TV show that may be about a topic that upsets him.

I am praying that the counseling on a more long-term basis will help him.  This breaks my heart knowing my boy is dealing with anxiety and I can't help him.

Trying to Keep Calm and Carry On

I am desperately trying to make this my mantra from now on.  I can't take the negativity, bad things happening, or plain ol' shit any longer.  I see my stress rubbing off on Jake and I can't let that happen.  No one wants to be around me and I can't blame them. I know since losing my job I have become very negative.  How could anyone stay positive when you lose a job, fail to get unemployment, have to depend on family to make it, then eventually lose the home you wanted to be yours so badly eight months later.  I've been so negative I can't stand to be around myself, so I apologize to friends and family who've had to deal with me.

The past couple of days have shown me that I need to think before I react.  Yes, I need a job, but upon accepting a part-time job I didn't take into consideration what they were paying, the hours, and what expenses I would have just to go to work every day.  I should have thought it out, but it wasn't until orientation that I knew how few hours I'd be getting.  While some may say it's better than nothing or it may lead to something else, it's right now that I have to deal with.  It's not better than nothing when I'm in the negative financially before I even get a paycheck.  Yes, it probably could have led to something good or even great, but I can't wait for that.  I know now that I must have a full time job, what I need to make hourly, and I have to go in knowing that I'm worth it.

With all this information, despite everything that has happened and may continue to happen, I decided to simply be happy again.  Who cares how many do-overs you have as long as you keep trying.